My own fault
by In caverns dark
Summary: When you find yourself thrown into a world of magic the first thing you feel is not joy, but rather fear. The type of fear that shows you just how truly small you are. Now I am thrown into the world of a book that differs from what I know. Alone and helpless and scared. I can only try my best to find my way home where I belong... hopefully. SI/Self Insert


It began, strangely enough with a web forum. Specifically it was about me, wondering what in the world I would choose for a abduction scenario by the various random beings that regularly do so. And the being itself. How would I explain being tossed across dimensions? The motivations, the reasons?

Why would I be thrown when there would already be a hero ready to save the day in many cases?

A Slave chooses, a man obeys... or was that the other way around?

But I the end I went to bed drifted off, and was met with a distant cry _"Help me" _It wailed, distant and desperate.

Not too strange as far as most of my dreams go, I could still remember that dream about being a detective that was chasing a woman that turned out to be a clone of the original. But then again I wasn't exactly dreaming. I could still feel the pillows beneath my head, my body comfortably wrapped up in the duvet.

Ready to drift off into oblivion if not for that one desperate voice.

"_Please" _it called again, pulling at my heartstrings.

Its sheer hopelessness began to pull on me. Or at least, that's the best that I can describe it.

I groaned.

Then again, it's not exactly unusual for you go insane in your dreams... _is this a dream_?

"_Someone! Help me"_ it sounded like a girl.

I felt my body chill. My heart freeze at the sheer hopelessness in her voice.

And... there wasn't even a moments pause before every fibre of my being said, not out loud, but as if my mind was driven unto this one single thought.

'I will'

and with that the world exploded.

_KABOOOOM!_

I got up, stars spinning in my vision. Pain, like bolts of electricity rushing through my muscles. Burning in my brain.

_POP_

I opened my eyes, tried to get up, fell back to the ground.

_Ooowww_.

God that hurt... honestly, like... hell. What the hell?

I tried to look around. _Blurry_. Everything was blurry.

Why was it so blurry?

God...

Why do I feel so _cold_?

"help"

Huh? Who was that?

I turned my limp body to the side. Grass filled half of my vision; in the other half, a person.

"H- hey." I croaked. My throat protesting at the action, my ears screaming for mercy as the steady Thump, thump of my heartbeat filled the empty silence around me.

I reached inside of me for some sliver of strength and flopped onto my belly. Then rolled over again to get closer to the person.

"Please" came the voice. Weak, wispy, fading away. I was close enough now that I could see whoever was making the-

_No_.

Nonononono.

Shit. That person was a _her_. Fuck.

My body roared to life, the protests made by my aching muscles silenced. Ice gripping my heart.

I pushed myself up with a thrust of my arms. Scrambled over to her and looked down.

Fuck.

God dammit, she was a bloody kid. Clothes and skin scorched by ash. _Burns_.

Fuck... er... what do I do? What do I do? Er... Pulse!

I moved my fingers over to her neck.

Wait. I don't know where to check.

_Bastard._

Well... I could... check to see if she's breathing?

Yes... _yes!_

I looked intently, for a sign of life, movement, any sign.

But my eyes were too bloody blurry. All I could see was how pale her face was and that she had red hair. What in the world could _I_...

Listen to her breathing? Screw it, might work.

I put my ear in front of her face and listened.

And waited.

And waited.

And felt my heart freeze.

Shit.

NO!

NO FUCKING WAY!

I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU!

I Moved her head straight, her body level like I'd seen on TV. CPR, right. Time to do this. Hands on top of her heart.

Push Firmly. One, two three.

Mouth, firm seal. Breathe.

Chest. One, two three.

Inhale. Mouth. Exhale.

Chest. _Come on, breathe_!

Mouth. _Please_!

Chest_. Come on!_

Mouth._ Why won't you_

Chest. _LIVE!_

…

Nothing happened. She was...

Mouth. _No_

One, two, three. _Nononononono_.

Mouth. _I'm not letting this_.

One, two, three. _ Happen_.

Mouth. _I'm not letting this._

Chest._ - letting this..._

…

My body felt like it was encased in ice.

Chest.

One.

Two.

Three.

_Still Nothing._

Mouth. Inhale, lean in, and breathe out.

Fuck.

Well... fuck.

Fucking mother of Fucking God! _God dammit._

I didn't even realise that I was crying.

I felt like... I was dying inside. No... not dying. Dead. Stone cold bloody fucking dead.

_Shit._

Dammit. She's gone, too late. Got to move on, got to move on. Come on, get yourself in order. First... find out where I am.

I looked around, for what little sight my tear stained vision afforded me. It was night... there were trees all around.

_Fuck. _

There were some... torches? Like the kind that was lit with fire. They illuminated some sort of clearing... we were in a clearing?

_Fuck... why'd she fucking die._

I looked to the ground, around, left and right. Anywhere but the girl who lay inches away from me.

_I didn't even know her name._

Some peopl-

No, corpses. Shit, more of them.

I couldn't help but observe these ones more clinically. Black cloth wrapped around them, charred. Their bodies also burnt black in some places. Really bad, they got off a lot worse compared to-

and their faces were-

They... they were covered in a mask. A silver mask. A Death Eater mask.

Dread filled me as I began to ask myself: Where am I?

Is this some kind of costume party. That one had a wand. Would they... but then why are we all in a forest clearing, and why the hell are they all _dead_.

"Will?" someone asked. I looked to my side to see a tall pair of trousers besides me.

I looked up to see a man looking down with a tear stricken face. Brown hair, brown eyes. Dressed like a Geography teacher. Glancing between me and... the girl as if.

As if his whole world had been torn apart.

_Fuck._

He locked eyes with me. "Will?" he croaked.

I blinked twice, clearing my eyes before my raspy voice asked "your daughter?" whilst motioning down to the ground in front of me "I- I'm sorry".

There was silence and I knew, just _knew_. That he was letting those words soak in.

He croaked, and collapsed to his knees. Let out half a sob. Any façade of dignity he had, torn down. Clenched his eyes shut. Pointed his head to the heavens and let loose a cry of pure anguish.

And... it was heart breaking.

I... I felt my tears returning to me, my hand trying to clear them away from my eyes only to have them return again as soon as they were gone.

God... _why_?

I averted my eyes to look at anything. _Anything_ else.

The night air never felt so cold. The moon more dull. The sound of the poor man who'd lost what I would guess was his daughter. Distant.

Even the fires that illuminated the clearing felt lifeless. Looked grey.

…

…

wait...

I...

Grey?

What?-

YOU SHOULD NOT BE HERE

I felt my heart skip a beat when I heard those pounding words echo in my head.

And I knew, I just knew as I looked around at the world around me coloured in shades of grey, the flames on the torches frozen in time, and the quiet, the absolute silence that made me want to scream if only for some confirmation of life.

I turned and looked upon the sight of the Grim Reaper. With pale face cloaked and wreathed in black, with silver scythe in hand... as if straight from the Discworld.

I AM NOT FROM THE DISCWORLD

not from the Discworld.

AND YOU SHOULD NOT BE HERE.

I looked back at him with unblinking eyes. His voice... his _voice_, the stuff that shakes your soul out from its confines, and brings it screaming through the veil.

AND WHAT IS THIS?

He said...

and it was then that I remembered that I was talking to _Death_. Bugger, I'm gonna die.

YOU CAN SEE ME, AND YET... ARE NEITHER DIEING NOR DEAD.

Oh. That's a relief. Wait, _what_?

He began to walk. No, glide forward, silver scythe gleaming in the moonlight until he stood directly in front of me. A giant, twice as tall as I, wreathed in black. He reached out with one arm, the bleached bones of his skeletal hand escaping his sleeve.

He touched my cheek, and traced it upwards. I was fairly sure that he had drawn blood with how hard he was pressing.

NO, NOT A NECROMANCER. OLD, YET YOUNG. _DIFFERENT_.

He took a step back. I'm sure admiring the look of awe, fear and terror that had caked my face.

I WILL HAVE TO KEEP AN EYE ON YOU...

He looked to the side. Where the girl died.

IN FACT... I THINK THAT I COULD HAVE A JOB FOR ONE WITH TALENTS SUCH AS YOURS.

He returned his piercing gaze to me.

YESSSSS. WE WILL MEET AGAIN, SOON.

GOOD JOB WITH SAVING HER.

And with that he was gone, colour and warmth returned to the world. I heard a gasp to my side, I turned and saw the kid, cradled in the man's arms, looking up at me with wide brown eyes.

She was alive...

and with that, exhaustion took me and I blacked out.

* * *

Waking up, the first thing I noticed was that I wasn't in my own bed. That knowledge, as it often did whenever I woke up in an unfamiliar place served to throw off any grogginess I may have otherwise had.

And as I took in the unfamiliar yellow room that most definitely was not mine, my mind rushed through any and all knowledge that would have helped me in my current situation. Vague memories of charred men in silver masks rose up, I quickly pushed them back down again.

I looked around the room. It was fairly big, spacious. Golden sunlight was streaming through the window. Am I still in England? Probably not.

Ugh.

Big bed too.

Getting out of the thick duvets was a task in its own right, especially with my sore muscles.

Still, I managed it. There was no way I was gonna stay laying down.

All that I needed to do was scout around the house and figure out... Oh shit. Those were Death Eaters last night.

Fuck, am I in Harry Potter? Or is Harry Potter real life? Or maybe it was a terrorist attack at a costume party? Or... _crap_-

Whatever, I shouldn't try to assume anything. No, no assumptions. I might be in an SI scenario, what's the first thing that Spacebattles taught me...

…

Bugger. Sufficient velocity's not gonna help me here. What else? Whatelse, whateeelse...

Note from ROB?

Doesn't look like there's one around here. Besides I landed in Death Eater field last night so it could have gotten lost.

Bugger, how about arming myself before I walk out? Or would that just make me look hostile? I was put into this fairly nice bed after all, I mean it's really big, the bed, the room. But then again it could be because they have magic? Bugger, I can't make any assumptions.

What else was there?

Ugh...

Bloody hair getting in my eyes. Where was I? Oh yeah! The stuff that happened last night, what happened exactly? There was the girl and... _shit_ yes! She was alive wasn't she and there was Death...

Oh.

Fuck... _wait_. No assumptions. Death could have been a hallucination or another entity pretending to be Death and whatever. And the girl. I'll need a doctors opinion to see if she's safe or not.

Now... no, I got to focus on the here and now. What are my priorities?

Information, reconnaissance... arming myself possibly, if that was a terrorist attack and they're tracking me or something I could be in danger. What else... hmm, search for escape routes, possibly?

Yeah, that makes sense. I should focus on being inconspicuous. Rules of engagement should be dialogue or retreat, if stealth fails. Don't go into combat unless I have the element of surprise and a sure chance at winning.

Good. Now lets just hope there's nothing too crazy around here.

...

Note to self: stay away from the furniture. Can't remember if it was cannon or not but I don't want to be eaten by a sofa.

... hmm, what's through this door?

Bathroom eh? Well I might as well move on-

…

Wait. Footsteps. Who was that?

Fuck... er... Hide in the Bathroom, and stay silent. Shallow breathing, close the door quickly but gently. I don't want it to make noise when closing.

There... _good_, that should do the job.

Bugger, I hope they're not gonna come in here they-

Oh...

…

…

well. er. _Crap_. This can't be... I.

…

That's a mirror. Is it a mirror? It feels like a mirror.

I... I'm... well it explains a lot. No wonder everything looks so big.

Ten years old? I must be around ten. Maybe? I'm not exactly good with telling the ages of kids.

And, well. The fact that my hair's red and styled... in a bob? and the soft features.

I'm a girl...

Welll... shit.

There's only one way to make sure, look down and... yup. It's missing.

...

_Goddammit!_

_..._

Ugh, you can't comprehend just how weird this feels. I mean it's just _weird_. My skin feels wrong and... and it's like I'm hollow, like I'm missing something. Aagh! I want my Mojo back! No wait, that hollow feelings been pushed aside, I feel _dirty_, now. I just-

Just... maybe I shouldn't think about it? Maybe... bugger, I think I'm gonna throw up.

No, no. I got to hold myself together. Maybe I should think about something else? About other changes maybe, I'm I'm-

I'm a red head.

…

Dear God no. no...

Am I? Am I a Weasley? Am I in Ginny's body? Because if I am, I swear I'm gonna jump off a bloody Hogwarts tower.

No... wait, Ginny's hair was longer in the movie wasn't it? Yeah and I'm pretty sure that the Weasleys had much lighter skin. But then again... oh no, I could be one of those _Original characters_.

...

But you know what? It doesn't matter. I got to get my act together, someone's in this house and-

I didn't know there was another mirror in here? Wait a second... that's not a mirror.

"Hi?"

that's-

- the girl form last night...

At least I know that she's still alive... maybe I should say something? Tell her that I'm willing to return her body as soon as possible. No wait that's stupid, just say "hi."

...

She's smiling. That's good.

"Si votre passe bien, mon père aimerait vous rencontrer"

Oh.

This... could be a problem. She tilted her head, moved out of the bathroom and motioned for me to follow.

Oh well, might as well. What do I have to loose?

* * *

You know. Things might be strange. But here I am, sitting on the dining room table with toast and scrambled egg in my plate. Stuck in a body that's an identical copy of the girl happily munching her breakfast next to me.

And... I suppose that I should describe her. Red hair in the same shape and style that mine was in the mirror, green eyes, like _bright_ green. She's small, but I guess that I'm now the same size as her, so I can't really complain. She's got a bright smile on her face and is sitting fairly close to me. Baggy clothes, tomboy maybe?

Then there's her dad who's currently eating opposite of us. Dark brown hair, thick moustache of the same shade and the same green eyes as his daughter. Along with his shirt and jumper combo he looks like a Geography teacher. Or at least what _I_ imagine a stereotypical Geography teacher would look like.

His eyes looked upon me with... slight suspicion, hers were joyful (but she's a kid eating breakfast). I couldn't see a mother.

And did I mention that they were French. Yeah, it's all "Je suis, je suis, j'mapelle" I don't understand a bit of it, my French lessons in school were ages ago. They tried to introduce me into the conversation at first but quickly caught on to the fact that I wasn't one for discussion and continued on to eat.

Of course, we eventually finished eating and the father asked me a questions in French once more.

In the end I decided to just come out and ask"You wouldn't happen to speak English by any chance, would you?" The man blinked.

"I can, as a matter of fact." he replied with a London-ish accent. I couldn't help but smile.

"Thank goodness. You wouldn't be able to tell me where we are, would you?"

"East of Calais, France."

"France, eh? Well it could be worse... Oh! Sorry, I didn't catch your names."

"Well... I'm Joseph Evans and this is my daughter, Willhelmina Evans."

Well fuck. This could mean a bunch of things, a couple of them I'm not certain of, although the probability that this is one big prank has increased, after all coincidences like this just don't happen. Then again I'm not sure that-

"Erhem" he interrupted me out of my musings, "and may I ask you for your name?"

"Oh." I blinked. I didn't realise that I had spent so long in thought. Then looked down at my new feminine body and frowned. "I don't think that's really a good idea." I looked back up to see his confused face. "you see, this isn't my body. I'm older... and a guy. So until I can fix myself..."

Yeah, that was probably something I shouldn't have said. Probably ringing the Pedo alarm in his head.

I looked at his kid who seemed to have been following our conversation. Whether she understood it or not was another question.

"So, I don't mean to be rude but could you refresh my memory of what happened last night?" I interrupted his train of thought, questions about how I got this body would be hard to answer, mainly because I didn't have one. "I can't remember much apart from giving your daughter CPR and those guys with silver masks and black robes on the ground."

He blinked owlishly and the look of fear, confusion and suspicion turned into one of deep focus.

"Will." He said, speaking to his daughter. "Please clean the dishes."

"But-"

"Mon petit. Now" He said firmly, and after a moment of glaring between the two of them, she collected the dishes and moved into the kitchen. At least I know she can speak English now, although it is with a slight French accent.

Her dad looked back at me the moment she walked out.

"What do you know about magic?" He asked.

"Some things."

"Are you a Wizard, or Witch as your _situation_ would make you?"

I shook my head "no, at least not that I know."

"Wizarding family?"

"No"

"Hmm..."

"Are you a Wizard?" I asked, breaking him out of his musings.

"No, just my sister"

"Oh," I said "what was her name?"

"Lily." He said simply.

"So could you remind me what happened last night?" I asked, returning to my original question.

He shook his head and focused back on the conversation, eyes growing misty as he began to remember the events of that night. "Yes, well... _we_: Will and I, we were" his voice shook slightly "_kidnapped_ by the people in black robes. They're called Death Eaters. I don't, know much about them but they were responsible for getting my parents killed. It's why I moved away from England to France." He looked me dead in the eye.

"We were about to be killed. Will was about to be... _sacrificed_." he choked on his words and just stopped for a moment. "I don't know what for, but they had Will and I. I was held back and... tortured." His voice sounded like a growl. "She was left alone... They gave a speech about inducting new members and got ready to-"

He stopped for a moment. Head held in his hands as the memories of last night rushed against him. Remembering how he was held, tortured and unable to help his daughter.

Was it her screaming for help last night?

He composed himself, fingers dragging down his face as he lifted his head up once more. "Yes, well they were about to- but then there was an explosion and you showed up, looking just like my little girl. You saved her, passed out and I bought you both here to recover. That was yesterday."

"Oh" I took a moment to process things, "And the Death Eaters?"

He smirked, "All dead but one, I saw him pop away." His smile turned to a grim frown, "I'd like to move to a safer place, but I wanted to make sure that you were okay, and I couldn't really go to the hospital with you, too risky if it was attacked. I doubt you would want a visit from the obliviators. But honestly, you were fine apart from needing some rest."

"What's the date?" I asked taking the opening to see where in this possible time line I was in.

"First of August Nineteen-ninety four."

So at the beginning of the fourth book, I think. Is that good?

"What do _you_ remember happening last night?" the dad asked breaking me from my thoughts of... well.

"I remember going to bed" I began to tell him. He didn't seem evil enough that I had to keep the truth from him, but then again llegimancy could be a problem.

"After that I began dreaming about a voice, it sounded like your daughter, like she was begging for someone to help her." I tried to remember the events through the hazy fog that my memories had become, I remember... accepting, I guess. Like _if_ I could help I would. Then, well I can't really _describe_ the sensation, but I woke up in the clearing. I saw her and thought she was dying so I gave her CPR... and, well, you know the rest."

We were quiet for a moment and heard the sound of the sink in the kitchen being turned off. Eventually I looked up at him and said, "Thank you."

He looked confused and asked, "For what?"

"Helping me recover. You didn't have to but thanks." I said honestly.

"Don't worry abut it. You saved my girl, if anything, I should be thanking you." Will walked back into the room, looking between me and her father. "I mean it"

"Papa."

"Do you have any family? Any home that I can take you to?" He asked me.

I shook my head to say no.

"and since you haven't changed I'm guessing-"

"Yes" I replied. There was silence between us for a moment.

"Will, start packing your things." He said, keeping his gaze down the table instead of at her. "Now that our friend is awake we're going to get moving."

"Où allons-nous?" she asked.

"England."

"England!" she shrieked. As alarmed as I was. "Mais papa, je dois école pour aller! Pourquoi dois-je transférer à l'Ecosse?"

"Excuse me." I interrupted "aren't you trying to stay away from the Death Eaters?"

"Voir! Pourquoi ne pouvons-nous pas rester en France?"

"Because France has proven to be too dangerous for us. I don't have many connections here due to us living in hiding and the fact that they found us here means that they could find us elsewhere just as easily." He explained. "and you said that you don't have anywhere to go. You helped us, the least I can do is take you somewhere safe. Besides, I'm guessing you're from England originally, non?" I nodded.

"Pourquoi là?" Will interjected. "Ne pouvons-nous aller ailleurs, comme l'Italie?"

"The problem with other countries is that we don't have the money ma petite sorcière. Let alone know the language. In England, my parents left their house. My sister hasn't used it as far as I know so we have somewhere we can go."

I was quiet as I let that sink in. And tried to get around just how ridiculous that explanation sounded. We don't have magic or guns so running away sounded like the best bet. But then again, the other English speaking nations were far away, and with the price of air travel, very costly to get to.

And more importantly, I didn't want to argue against him, I didn't know how much goodwill I had with him, I saved his daughter, but I'm not family, just a wierdo that's taken her shape. And being chased by Death Eaters was still better than the possibility of having to rough it out in the woods in the body of a ten year old girl.

"Willhelmina, start packing." He glanced at me, "and pack some clothes for our guest."

"Mais mon école?"

"Je vais les contacter et je vous ai déplacé comme un étudiant de transfert." He responded in French for the first time since he discovered I only spoke English, probably something private between them.

She got up and motioned for me to follow her and I did. Quickly getting lost in thoughts of what sort of a situation I was in exactly.

On one hand I got a bunch of psychos running around looking for my head on a platter, on the other hand, Magika! Herr de durr!

And Death. Oh yeah! Can't believe I forgot about him. Thaaat might be a bit of a problem in the future. But magic. As far as I know I don't have any... which makes me sad. Then again I might have some and just don't know it yet. Someway to change shape would be nice, I did it once, hopefully I can do it again. Hopefully find a way to get back into my own body.

But before I could think any more we were in her room and she shut the door behind me.

The room itself, well it looked like a normal room... a little unlived in. But nothing wrong with that. We were leaving anyway.

"So you're not my twin sister are you?" She asked, French accent coming strong.

"Not as far as I know." I answered with a shrug.

"Hmm, and you're a boy?" she asked, walking around me.

"I am... or, was."

She leaned against a drawer.

"Can you change back?"

"I don't think so."

"Oh" she said, continuing to look at me with a curious expression. "Well thank you for saving me and mon papa."

"Er, it was my pleasure."

"But je dois demander, you're not a witch or wizard are you?"

"No."

"So" she raised an eyebrow "you wouldn't know what this is." and pointed a wand at me.


End file.
